It Has Been WAY too LONG

Hi everyone,

It has been ages!!! I have been slack!! Well actually i meant to not blog and to not get too caught up in the internet and reading too much, i just wanted to simplify things, well i did that for about 6 weeks and now i know i really do need the support and the outlet of being able to say whatever i feel and not worrying about hurting anyones feelings!!

Well emotionally i do not think i have advanced, no maybe i have, i have come to realise that i am the only one who can take charge of how i feel and what i eat and how i exercise, no matter what program i do, it comes down to how i use it!! And in the past few months that has not been flash!! I am back to 52kgs and feeling every pound of it, i only have 10 weeks till my wedding, but i know i can get to 50kgs before then, i have been sabotaging myself terriably and being so negative!!

Well i am sick of it, i am sick of thinking i can not go out cause i am too big or not as small and lean as i would like to be, i am sick of thinking after this next 6 weeks it will be all ok!!! Well this could go on for years, i am taking a stand and giving myself 10 weeks to really better myself to love myself and to reach my goal of 50kgs and be happy and content when i get there!!! I can not keep going just a bit more and a bit more then i fall off  the wagon and have a big binge!! then back to square one!! Back to 52kgs and this has been going on since october!! I am taking a stand and putting an end to this!!!

I am taking back the control and I am going to beat these demons!! This is no life and it will be wasted on yo yoing and not enjoying life at all!!!!

So anyway i start back with Kristin on monday, i experimented with the final fat phase for a few days, but just am not too sure about it!!!??? You do weights first thing in the morning and i do not seem to like that, but i think it has more to do with my head space!!! I think i need the support from Kristin!!

Anyway this is a new beginning for me and i am going to make it the best 8 weeks ever for trianing and nutrition!!! I will get to my 50kgs for my wedding and look and feel amazing and lean and skinny and toned and defined!!!! I WILL DO THIS!!!!! Bring it on!!!!!!

Chelle

How Slack Am I?????

Hello to those few lovely people that follow my blog!

I must firstly apologise for being so slack and selfish and not making time to blog and for getting so caught up in myself and feeling sorry for myself and just dwelling on myself!!

Well I am proud to say i turned a new leaf, thanks to Kristin and Sue and of course my lovely other half!! And of course I had to help myself aswell!!!

I have started another 12 week program and I am finally getting in to the groove of it and feeling results in body, it comes down to patience and following the program to a t and the diet to a t and you really do get results, its so stupid how you forget all these things when you are feeling down and out!!! And how irrational you think at times!!! Kristin has helped me sooo much with all this!!

I have stared another program mainly because i am getting married in March on the 20th and want to look lean and slim and also to better myself with controling my binges and to help keep me positive and on track!!!

Wedding plans i have only just started to enjoy as when i was feeling how i was i wanted to call it off, but my sister kept going with it all, and now i am getting excited!! I really cannot wait to get all dressed and have my hair and make up done and to feel the best i can possiably and to walk down the asile to the love of my life, sounds corny I know but its how i feel tonight!! LOL

Anyway better be off to bed have an early start in the morning 4.30am!! We are heading to Rocky to do our Christmas shopping, nothing like being organised!!! LOL. Its going to be hell but anyway , I love shopping so I am sure i will be ok, but not Sure about poor old Ryan, no doubt we will have an arguement somewhere in there!! LOL

Anyway I am going to blog again before Christmas!!

Love Chelle

xxxxoooo

My Photo Shoot

Hi,

Well I had my photos taken and i had an awesomw time!!! It was so much fun and i really did not struggle too much with depletion!!! I am very proud of myself in that respect!!!
But as always there is always a BUT, i really over did it with my free meal, not that same day as i really was in control but it was the next day that things went stupid!!! I was tired and feeling really run down and also was thinking that i deserved a pig out!!! mY old demond showing their faces again!!! So now i am suffering from severe carb bloat more than what i would have if i just stuck to my free meal!!! I am actually feeling really bruised everywhere as i thik it is from the swelling and bloat!!!! But i have to put it down to a learning experience and i will do better next time!!!!

I know what went wrong it was a combo of things!! I had a hens night to go to that sae night of photos and i drank alcahol and went to bed late and could not sleep, got up early next morning went for a walk on the beach all this was ok as i had drank heaps of water!!! I had a healthy breakfast poched eggs, mushrooms and tomato and grain toast. Traveled home and i was feeling wrecked by now, so by the time i got home i was in the mode of wantoing food and more food!!! I was fighting muelf, went and got subway a wrap and salad and tried to stop at this thenwanted chocolate had some and things just went on from there, So next time no hebs night after depletion and no late night!!!!

Anyway i am trying to forgive myself and drinking heaps of water and exercising!!! Ifeel awful and disappointed, but the photos are god though!! I cannot wait to do it again sometime!!

I am going to try and put some up not very good with this sort of thing though!!

Chelle

It's Been Awhile!!!!

Well i must apolagise for not blogging more regularly!!! Or apolagise to myself as i find it very good to put my feelings into words.
Last week i was feeling great. i weighed 49.5kg still and really struggling to get below that and this week back up to 50.5kgs ttom is about to come though i think they are very latte though!!! Anyway back to last week i was very positive feeling lean and fit, we had a wedding to go to in rocky on the saturday and Ryan and I went shopping in Rocky on the wednesday before to get new outfits for the wedding now i felt really lean and must say i like how i looked in everything, i was very proud of my achievements, Saturday came and i got my hair done and we went to rocky leaving Chloe at home it was the first time i had been away from her for the night!!! I coped Just LOL!!! I missed her like CRAZY!!! Anyway we got ready and i was feeling lean ang good about myself and i had decided to have a free meal at the wedding, i thought i was quite mentaly prepared for it, but it was quite unstructured asi did not know what they were having etc!!! It started off with nibbles chiken wings prawn things etc i had to have some!!! They were very yummy i thought i am doing ok, then the main came it was a smorgasboard roast chicken, beef potato pumpkin sweet n sour chicken and rice i had some of everything, still going ok was quite full though!! Then desert came and i had triffle 2 small date puddings custard now i was bursting at the seams by this but you know what i could have stil eaten more how CRAZY!!! I made ryan go get more but could not eat it!!! LOL. Anyway about an hour later they bought wedding ckae around and they just put heaps of pieces on our table and of course i gad to have some and i continued to eat it throughout the night and even took 4 piec3es home with me and ate them that night!!!! I do not know what gets into me!! I go so good then i have my free meal and i loose the plot!!!! Sometimes i do really well but i think it was because it was not very planned and i did not know what they were having etc, i should have stopped at the main meal and not had desset there and went and a coffee somewhere else as i was not drinking either!!! I should have gone home!! But anyway all goo on hind sight!! So the next day i felt hung over from all the food and i could have eaten like that again the next day it tool all my strength not to, except thaqt night for dinner i had rice cakes nut paste and diet jam, not so good but better than what i realy wanted !! Hence my body has not recovered this week and my period is WAy overdue and just want it to come now as i am so bloated and cranky!! Iam also having alot of negative thoughts about my training and eating!!! I feel i am getting tooo big and i just want to be lean and skinny!!! But i think that is due to the bloat!!!

Also at the wedding, when i was congratulating the bride she said to me how beautiful and skinny i looked now the day was meant to be about her and i was stoked with her comments and she kept saying this through out the night also and said i should have been training her for her wedding!!!! Also her father commented on how fit i looked and said to keep it up!! Now i think my mind plays tricks when it comes to this sort of thing and it says i deserve to eat what i want!!! Bad behaviour but true!!
Anyway i just have to keep on keeping on and think of the big picture!!! I start depletion on the 26th i am nervous but excited at the same time!!! I really want some great photos!!!
Anyway i am off to have a cuppa and my my nut paste!!! YUMMY
Talk again tomorrow!!!!

Motivation Dwindling!!

Well i am having the worst last couple of days my motivation is shot and my attitude stinks!!!! I hate this when this happens and it always around that time of the month!!!
I hate being around Ryan at the moment he is driving me nuts and all i can think about is food and what i cannot eat!!! How stupid! i have been doing so well!!! I have not binged but there have been some close calls for example last night at midnight i was looking at the loaf of white bread and butter and honey and i could have eaten the lot!!! But i did not it took all my strength to not have it, but i have been dicking around with my food though, a little extra protein here, 2 chicken crimpes of chloes there and an extra few walnuts here and on Friday night i had masterfoods bbq sauce on my omlette for tea and lots of it, just silly things like this that will not help me and my goals!! Any suggestions for a bbq sauce substitute?

Anyway i think also Ryan and i have not been getting on so great due to the fact that we are tired from Chloe not sleeping and our life styles are so busy!!! He starts work at 6.30am and does not get home till after 6pm he is an accountant so busy time of year and i just seem to run aroound in circles!! Between that and his footy coaching which i might add is only going to get buissier due to his commets coaching starting up in october he has to travel to rocky 2 times a week and they play in weekends and sometimes train on weekends and all this with planning a wedding which i might add he has not been very helpful at all!!! It just frustrates me so much!!! I aske dhim today to look at honey moons and no interest, jsut said well have you got a plan as to how you will look at honey moons, now i just thought get ont he internet!!! Anyway i just feel as though i need time away from him!! DO not get me wrong i LOVE him to bits but it just gets all too much at times!!! He also said my training gets in the way of us sometimes!! I saw RED when he said this as i try not to do anything when he is around, i get up early in the morn when he is getting ready for work to do my cardio and i do my weights when chloe has a sleep and he is at work and sometimes that works out to be when he is on lunch but i always have his lunch made etc. and sometimes on days when i work i may have to do something when Chloe goes to bed but normally he is at footy training!!! Can you see a problem!! Also this traininging makes me feel so good when the motivation is good but even when its not once i have done it i feel great!!
Anyway i have really had a whinge today sorry everyone for that just had to get it off my chest!!! I just wish i had people close to me with similar fitness goals etc and understanding but i have no one!! Just feeling a little down and out and i do not want to loose control as it will not help me and how i am feeling!!

Sorry to be so negative next post will be better!!

Chelle

Nearly Fell off the Wagon

Well what a week!!!! Chloe has not been sleeping well at all!!! Sunday night was awful!!! She woke up so many times, i got up to her 4 times in 45 minutes and mean while Ryan is sound asleep not hearing a thing!!! How frustrating!!! Anyway at about 2am Chloes Cot fell apart well the slats came apart and it made the biggest noise and i still had to jab Ryan to come and help me quickly!!! By this stage i was ready to kill him!!! LOL. Anyway Chloe was so upset she vommented and in the shower we got, by this time i had given Ryan a masiive serve and told him to sleep lighter so he could hear her and that he was getting uo to her from now on!!!! The poor little darlin she was so sick!!! She has got atopic ezchemea ( not sure on spelling) and she is teething also and has a cold. Anyway we got her back to bed, not long after that Ryan was up to her again and then i was up not long after that. This went on till the early hours of the morn 4 or more. She finally went to sleep and Ryan had to get up for work and i was meant to get up for a run but was so exhausted!!! I decided then and there that i was not going to work, i felt so depressed and awful. By the time we got up it was 8.30am and i was just down and out and thought to myself that there was still some slice there left over from yesterday and before i knew i had eaten both pieces bu this stage i was really pannicking and i had to tell myself to stop!!! This is not the answer and it will only make me feel worse!!! So with all my strength and determination i had my normal breakfast and got on with my day!!! It was so hard as i could have just ate and ate cause i jsut felt awful!!! But i also remembered how ill i felt the afternoon before, from my dessert and thought that is not going to help me or Chloe and she is going to need me today!!! So i got on the treadmil when she went to bed, went for a walk in the arv and played touch that night. I know it was nit ideal eating the 2 pieces of slice, but i STOPPED and moved on and have maintained my 49.5kgs this week, i felt totally exhausted all day, but drank heaps of water and kept remnding myself that tomorrow would be abetter day!!!

Anyway Chloe is still not sleeping well and last night was a bit of a strugle again and i ended up having 1/2 an extra fat serve and some extra protein at dinner, hence weight went up to 50kgs, but i have moved on from this and am focusing on the positives. Although it has taken till tonight to get to that point, up until now i have felt quite negative and a little lost!!! I think due to getting a new program as much as i could not wait for it to come it always puts me out of my comfort zone and feel a little off track until i get it all sorted in my head and on paper.
I have yet to e mail Hilary with a few questions but nothing to important just curious more than anything.

i so enjoy doing this ibol stuff it gives me such a purpose!!! And have learnt so much about myself and learnt so much from HIlary and Kristin!!! Anyway I am to have a cuppa before bed and hope to gosh that Chloe sleeps better tonight!!! I am doing my interval training tomorrow morning and am going to hit it hard!!! Also hoping my weight has come back down. Anyway until next time have a great Friday!!!

Chelle


"You can't base your life on other people's expectations."

Feeling Tired so just a quick Blog

Well i managed to hit the 49.5kg mark again on Friday Sat and Sun wahooooooo. Now to keep going down i have to stay focused not only on the scale as this is when i get into trouble as the last couple of weeks i have have not concerntrated on that so much just concerntrating on eating clean and eating to plan and sticking to my exercise plan.
Well i had my fee meal today and i cooken a roast and had had the these little chicken rolled roasts they were beautiful my fisrt roast that i have ever cooked too!! But not too healthy as i cooke dthe veges in oil any suggestions on a healthier way to do it? Then we had caramle choc slice and homer hudson ice cream yummy although i feel quite ill in the tummy and i am really looking forward to eating clean again tomorrow and having a big sleep tonight.

Anyway i get a new program tomorrow and i cannot wait until have a great Monday.

Chelle