Starting Again

Hi All,

Well it has been ages since i wrote on my blog, just took me ages to work out to post a new message!!!
Well things have been a little all over the place a couple of weeks ago I started my Blitz again due to my beautiful daughter being really sick and it was just too hard to train and do what i needed todo for the orogram. So Sue, Hilary and Kristin gave me a solution and here I am just finished my second week, up until yesterday i was going great guns i felt really lean and strong i had even hit the 49.5kgs mark a couple of times although on Friday i was 50.5kgs, thom is due though.

Well yesterday was my my free meak and Ryan and i planned to go out for my birthday which was on the 22nd for lunch, now i thought i had prepared myself really well i got a menu in advance so i knew what to get and we planned to have cake and coffee at the local coffee shop afterwards, so i thought i had myself all prepared, well today i am telling you something went wrong!!! We had the meal and coffee and cake and i eas feeling satisfied so i thoought, but apparently not i faught with muself all arv to not have anymore, i nearly won i had a couple of lollies and then i went for a walk, then we went home as we were at mums and i gad rice cakes and nut paste and jam for dinner of all things then i had bread, chicken crimpies and chocolate, i stuffed up big time then today i woke up on the wrong side of the bed big time!!! My things have to come soon or i am going to go mental, all i wanted to do was eat and eat, we went for a walk this morn and we had breakfast , i had my pancakes and some extra banana thinking that may cure me, then later on i had my morning tea had extra apple thinking that may help also, but the day spiraled out of control and here i am once again bloated and feeling like total failure!!!!
I read the articles that Hilary anf Kritin have given me but it went in one ear and the other, now i had a binge two weeks ago just before i started the blitz again, and vowed to myself to not let it happen again, but i suppose the only consulaton is that it was not as bad as the other time, but i just feel like awful, i was starting to feel realy lean and get veins on my tummy it seems as though i am sabotaging myself in some way!!

I do know what has caused it again though, thom and my best friends father passing away suddenly from cancer last week, I t brought back all sorts of memories, i cried more at that funeral than dads, as all i was thinking about was my father, how i wish he was still here with us, i need him at times like this to give me ahug and tell it will be ok!!!

But anyway I just have to get back up again and move on and forgive myself it just seems as though i am having to do that alot lately, i feel that is all i am doing, i just wish i could stop myself, i ordered a book Kristin reccomended to me but am still waiting on it, bring on the book i need all the help i can get.

There are times when i just want to give up and throw the towel in, but then i think about how good i feel when ieat well and train hard, nothing feels as good as that!!!!

This is a life long journey that does not cure it self over night i have been struggling with bad eating habits moxt of my like and only been on this journey for about 7 months, and have learnt alot and leaned out alot also i just have to stay poisitive and keep remininding myself why i am doing this.

I jumped on the scales tonight and they were 54kgs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH I have not been that gor months and months, so I have put them away for a few days until my peroid comes and the bloat goes away and i have a few days to eat and exercise well, i nearly did my head in over that number.

Anyway i promise to not leave it so long to blog again and next time i will have positive feed back!!!

Chelle